The Secret Threat of the Primaries

Though they've been in the news for some time, we here at Alters United are appalled at the lack of good coverage for the current Presidential Primaries. Though they are on the air almost constantly with profiles of the individual candidates, not one of the mainstream media outlets has addressed the glaring Alter related issue that has appeared in recent times.

There have been great strides in politics in regards to the Alter-Human relationship. The recent tacit acceptance of the Leprechaun driven financial crash and subsequent push for gold and the understanding of Dick Cheney's Orc status making him inculpable for his various indiscretions are both strong evidence for this. And, of course, it is impossible to ignore the recent victory of a Polycephalic Ogre in South Carolina's Republican primary.

His second head is out of frame

But a quiet threat has been building in the primaries. For years a man has attempted to run for President with theories some would call insane, fringe politics. With wild-eyed honesty he speaks of policies so inconceivably unusual that no one has ever taken him seriously. But, with the growing discomfort for the current status quo and the dislike of business as usual, this candidate has been gaining momentum at a dangerous rate.

I'm, of course, speaking of Vermin Supreme.

This Massachusetts native is slowly becoming one of the greatest threats to Alter-Human relations since the witch trials made so famous by his state. His campaigns have been gaining momentum, even being allowed into the New Hampshire primary on the Democratic ticket this year, receiving 831 votes. This is a dramatic increase from his totals in the same state only 4 years ago when he received only 41 votes in the 2008 primary as a Republican. And, while these numbers may not seem like much (with Obama receiving over 48,959 votes as his opponent), the message is clear: People support Vermin's anti-Zombie policies.



This video, seen here from Mr. Supreme's 2008 run in New Hampshire, begins with the statement that this is just a "satirical" claim. But this acceptance of such "satire" as just a simple joke has dangerous consequences. Whether they believe he's being satirical or not, there are people voting for Mr. Supreme, accepting of his hate speech and approving of the statements he's made against Zombie-kind. And for those who would think that this anti-Zombie policy was, like many of Mitt Romney's stances, a passing acceptance of trends at the time, hear it from himself 4 years later when Vermin once again puts an anti-zombie, anti-Alter stance as one of the pivotal points of his campaign.



Of course we would all want a pony. Who doesn't? But not at the expense of Zombie-fueled slave labor that Mr. Supreme seems so keen on institutionalizing. For those who cannot stomach the man's antics and hate speech long enough to watch the entire video, Mr. Supreme's newest proposed policy is to use Zombies, the disadvantaged souls who cannot speak for themselves, to resolve the energy crisis by forcing them to walk treadmills while taunting them with the prospect of food. For anyone familiar with Zombie biology, this is far more than cruel, it is inhumane.

Yet this is claimed to be simply "satire". Because nothing says "satire" like the calm, clear discussion of slave labor with a straight face. Who doesn't smile at the concept of droves of zombies trapped in giant turbines, struggling to reach for brains on the ends of dangling strings constantly out of reach?

Well, I, for one, do not.

No, Vermin Supreme is a dangerous man with dangerous ideas, stripping those who are different from himself of their inalienable rights just because they may not have perfectly functioning faculties. And worst of all is that this is a clear case of a self-hating Alter. While there may be some question to the veracity of Cheney's Orcism or the debate about whether or not Glenn Beck is in fact a Leprechaun - there is little doubt that Vermin Supreme, self proclaimed Emperor of the New Millennium, is a Troll.

And that, my friends, is a truly sad state of affairs.

This message brought to you by Alters United, those who are actually interested in solving the zombie crisis in constructive ways.