Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

There's little doubt that one of the most thought provoking figures in American history is Abraham Lincoln. Long recognized as one of the greatest presidents in American history, Lincoln's been immortalized with holidays, currency and even his face on a mountain. As a man who stood for the rights of an oppressed minority and then was killed for his convictions, Lincoln is fondly remembered and often studied as a curiosity. Many theories have come to light over the years of the secret life of Lincoln. Some believe he was a homosexual or that he had African ancestry and both of these theories have often been used to explain his unconventional attitudes of the time. Throughout the years Lincoln has been everything from an alcoholic to a rags to riches story and everything in between. But, according to many recently, he was also apparently a Vampire Hunter.



I am dumbfounded by this development. I'll ignore the fact that there was no time for a man of Lincoln's responsibilities to take part in such activities. I'll even forgive the idea that Lincoln could be so well trained and physically adept and yet be murdered by a man who announced his assassination as he was about to pull the trigger. The great injustice in this depiction is that Lincoln was clearly a Woodwose.

And, knowing this, we can tell that Lincoln would not have hunted Vampires. No Alter would have gone out of their way to begin a personal crusade against other Alters. Yes, there have been conflicts in the past between one race or another. There have even been entire wars fought between what we would consider the Fae (Elves, Dwarves, Oracles and the like) and their more aggressive Drow brethren (Vampires, Succubi, Zombies etc.). But the idea of a single Alter going out of their way to kill other Alters? That is a travesty brought about by unchecked revisionist history proposed by hatemongers who revel in the idea of their president being one of theirs.

But, as I just said, anyone with some observation can see that Lincoln was, in fact, a Woodwose.

Height

The typical depiction of a Woodwose shows them to be incredibly large compared to the average person. They often tower above people around themselves as though they were giants, usually with very plant-like builds and features. With depictions of Lincoln often being on his own or in giant statue form, it is often easy to forget that he was a tall, spindly man that was built like a small tree.

Features

The typical Woodwose has often been said to have animal like features, a general wildness about them and the impression they came from the wilderness. And, while clearly visible in the pictures of the man, it really helps to hear it from the people who saw him personally.

The two men presented a wide contrast in personal appearance, Lincoln being 6 feet 3 inches high, lean, angular, raw boned, with a complexion of leather, unkempt, and with clothes that seemed to have dropped on him and might drop off

Clearly, the texture of Lincoln's skin was tough and his grooming was unusual. Along with a slightly misshapen face (that some believe was a genetic condition even outside of Alter circles) and incredibly large ears, Lincoln's features could be described in some circles as unnatural.

Hair

And while the man was often described as unkempt, it was typically due to his somewhat wild hair. Regardless of how many pictures he had taken or how often he'd attempted to cover it with his signature hat, one thing was for certain, the man's hair was not to be tamed. Even groomed at his best, it was clear that the man's hair had a mind of its own, much like the Woodwose of lore being covered in animal like hair.

The Wilderness

Most important of them all is the fact Lincoln's origins match those of the Woodwose of legend. Lincoln was famously raised in a log cabin near Hodgenville, Kentucky: a place which, at the time, was a wild frontier land with a thriving population of wild animals that were still firmly in control of the region. Born and raised in these surroundings, Lincoln literally was the wild man of the woods and, when coming to civilization, his children were themselves often described with wild behavior. Lincoln also bonded with animals, being quoted once as saying he supported animal rights. These traits, due to his hidden nature and upbringing, show a clear connection to the wilderness he came from.

Certainly these are circumstantial, like any theories regarding Lincoln, but even the medical community agrees that something was off about the man physically. And worst of all is that, despite this evidence, the people promoting the Vampire Hunter depiction have begun a "Patriot or Vampire" campaign, implying that Alters are not patriotic. As an Alter-American myself, a proud one at that, I am appalled at this implication.

Lincoln himself proved the patriotism of Alter-kind. Clearly, Lincoln exemplified all of the good traits of the Woodwose - being attuned to nature and seeing beyond the obvious. A man of vision, born of the woods and possessing an unnatural form more akin to the land he came from: this was no Alter-slayer. No, if any people are to make claim to this great American, it should be Alter-kind and we should not accept this revisionist history when it gets to theaters in June.

Sure, it may be tempting to watch as Abraham Lincoln, national hero, combats others with what appears to be hatchets and axes that he swings around with a martial arts flare. It may even be tempting to watch him lead the charge at a superior force. But these flashy, tantalizing images are a lie. No, despite the flash and the spectacle, the patriotic thing is to stand our ground, be heard and tell them that this fabrication cannot stand.

For the good of our people, for the good of the future, for the good of the country - Do not watch Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on June 22nd!

This message brought to you by Alters United - where we know the difference between a Woodwose and a Vampire Hunter.