The Reason For The Season

Over the course of the weekend, Saint Patrick's Day was celebrated by many. And those of you reading this are probably still shaking off your hangovers as you celebrated well into your Sunday. But as I sit here I prepare to be a buzz-kill, for not many realize the dark secret of an otherwise lively day.

Often, holidays are deemed harmless, treated with little concern and seen as a time for people to gather together and celebrate life with food, drink and family. But often these seemingly harmless days of celebration hide a darker secret behind their colorful trappings. Labor Day was infamously made possible by a massacre of dozens of people during a labor dispute, Memorial Day is a time of remembrance of those who gave their lives in service to their country and any number of other holidays can trace their lineage back to a time when larger churches tried to usurp the local culture. St. Patrick's Day is no exception to this, having a history of racism and stereotypes behind its cheerful, drunken demeanor.

Many have heard of the claims that Saint Patrick's Day is racist against the Irish or that the Irish use it as an excuse to become unruly. The day has been related to Ireland and their culture since the beginning and some would claim that a day famous for drinking may be an unfair representation of the Irish people. But what few have realized is that there's a far more sinister undercurrent of racism against an even smaller minority, both figuratively and literally: Leprechauns.

Once upon a time the traditional color for Saint Patrick's Day was blue and the feast was held for religious purposes. The story of Saint Patrick bringing Christianity to the Irish has been a part of their culture for centuries. But as time went on, the color slowly shifted towards green and the celebration turned towards more libatious gatherings. Over roughly the same period of time the traditional colors for the depictions of Leprechauns shifted from red to green. And so, a once religious holiday now became a day when people dressed like Leprechauns and made light of the infamous drinking problems of the wee folk.

Overnight, the Leprechaun became a mascot for a day that didn't represent their best interests. And, of course, this wouldn't be the first time a mascot was degrading to who they were based on. We've frequently seen the kind of things that people have turned into mascots, such as:

Redskins

Indians

Fighting Irish

And people have protested all of these. When someone is discriminated against, someone comes to the defense of that ethnicity and tells the others that it is not okay. So long as it is "human" it is not acceptable. Thus the Indians mascot, despite their logo being an "Indian", actually looks like this:

But look at the last one for a moment there and consider what that actually looks like. Have you ever seen an Irishman dressed that way? No, it looks like a leprechaun. And how are they depicted there? Violent and disorderly.

For a very long time, Leprechauns have been treated as second or third class citizens with stories about how imprisoning them would benefit their captors or that they were the causes of mischief for no reason at all. And while it is true that there is a tendency for disorderly behavior among their people, the truth of Leprechauns is that many of them are alcoholics, and should be helped, not mocked.

But this isn't the only time when a Holiday has taken the image of an unfortunate Alter and twisted it to their own means. Consider Cupid, a small, winged cherub with no apparent clothes forced to hunt for his livelihood with a small bow that he clearly had to make himself.

Has anyone thought to rise to his defense or provide him with food, clothing and shelter? As you hand chocolates to your lover, have you ever considered that the boy depicted on the box has to hunt for his food?

Yes, Cupid often hunts humans, but if you were that hungry, wouldn't you too?

And what of the Christmas Elves? For a few months of the year, the Christmas Elves are paid slave wages, worked at all hours and pushed to fill an unreasonable quota in below zero temperatures under the authority of a man who is clearly not only a glutton but has all of the signs of severe substance abuse problems.

And then what? As the season is over, they're unemployed once again, pushed aside and forgotten for the rest of the year, left without anywhere to turn to and discriminated against because their youthful features make them appear to violate child labor laws, something Mr. Claus has never addressed in the past.

Often, the only means for these poor souls to find employment the rest of the year is to dress in diapers for New Years and Valentines or don a green outfit and take part in the bigotry of the Saint Patrick's Day revelry.

And thus, the circle is complete.

If you think this is unacceptable, know Leprechauns, Elves or even have one in your family - show your support for Alters United. Together, we can stop the hate

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

There's little doubt that one of the most thought provoking figures in American history is Abraham Lincoln. Long recognized as one of the greatest presidents in American history, Lincoln's been immortalized with holidays, currency and even his face on a mountain. As a man who stood for the rights of an oppressed minority and then was killed for his convictions, Lincoln is fondly remembered and often studied as a curiosity. Many theories have come to light over the years of the secret life of Lincoln. Some believe he was a homosexual or that he had African ancestry and both of these theories have often been used to explain his unconventional attitudes of the time. Throughout the years Lincoln has been everything from an alcoholic to a rags to riches story and everything in between. But, according to many recently, he was also apparently a Vampire Hunter.



I am dumbfounded by this development. I'll ignore the fact that there was no time for a man of Lincoln's responsibilities to take part in such activities. I'll even forgive the idea that Lincoln could be so well trained and physically adept and yet be murdered by a man who announced his assassination as he was about to pull the trigger. The great injustice in this depiction is that Lincoln was clearly a Woodwose.

And, knowing this, we can tell that Lincoln would not have hunted Vampires. No Alter would have gone out of their way to begin a personal crusade against other Alters. Yes, there have been conflicts in the past between one race or another. There have even been entire wars fought between what we would consider the Fae (Elves, Dwarves, Oracles and the like) and their more aggressive Drow brethren (Vampires, Succubi, Zombies etc.). But the idea of a single Alter going out of their way to kill other Alters? That is a travesty brought about by unchecked revisionist history proposed by hatemongers who revel in the idea of their president being one of theirs.

But, as I just said, anyone with some observation can see that Lincoln was, in fact, a Woodwose.

Height

The typical depiction of a Woodwose shows them to be incredibly large compared to the average person. They often tower above people around themselves as though they were giants, usually with very plant-like builds and features. With depictions of Lincoln often being on his own or in giant statue form, it is often easy to forget that he was a tall, spindly man that was built like a small tree.

Features

The typical Woodwose has often been said to have animal like features, a general wildness about them and the impression they came from the wilderness. And, while clearly visible in the pictures of the man, it really helps to hear it from the people who saw him personally.

The two men presented a wide contrast in personal appearance, Lincoln being 6 feet 3 inches high, lean, angular, raw boned, with a complexion of leather, unkempt, and with clothes that seemed to have dropped on him and might drop off

Clearly, the texture of Lincoln's skin was tough and his grooming was unusual. Along with a slightly misshapen face (that some believe was a genetic condition even outside of Alter circles) and incredibly large ears, Lincoln's features could be described in some circles as unnatural.

Hair

And while the man was often described as unkempt, it was typically due to his somewhat wild hair. Regardless of how many pictures he had taken or how often he'd attempted to cover it with his signature hat, one thing was for certain, the man's hair was not to be tamed. Even groomed at his best, it was clear that the man's hair had a mind of its own, much like the Woodwose of lore being covered in animal like hair.

The Wilderness

Most important of them all is the fact Lincoln's origins match those of the Woodwose of legend. Lincoln was famously raised in a log cabin near Hodgenville, Kentucky: a place which, at the time, was a wild frontier land with a thriving population of wild animals that were still firmly in control of the region. Born and raised in these surroundings, Lincoln literally was the wild man of the woods and, when coming to civilization, his children were themselves often described with wild behavior. Lincoln also bonded with animals, being quoted once as saying he supported animal rights. These traits, due to his hidden nature and upbringing, show a clear connection to the wilderness he came from.

Certainly these are circumstantial, like any theories regarding Lincoln, but even the medical community agrees that something was off about the man physically. And worst of all is that, despite this evidence, the people promoting the Vampire Hunter depiction have begun a "Patriot or Vampire" campaign, implying that Alters are not patriotic. As an Alter-American myself, a proud one at that, I am appalled at this implication.

Lincoln himself proved the patriotism of Alter-kind. Clearly, Lincoln exemplified all of the good traits of the Woodwose - being attuned to nature and seeing beyond the obvious. A man of vision, born of the woods and possessing an unnatural form more akin to the land he came from: this was no Alter-slayer. No, if any people are to make claim to this great American, it should be Alter-kind and we should not accept this revisionist history when it gets to theaters in June.

Sure, it may be tempting to watch as Abraham Lincoln, national hero, combats others with what appears to be hatchets and axes that he swings around with a martial arts flare. It may even be tempting to watch him lead the charge at a superior force. But these flashy, tantalizing images are a lie. No, despite the flash and the spectacle, the patriotic thing is to stand our ground, be heard and tell them that this fabrication cannot stand.

For the good of our people, for the good of the future, for the good of the country - Do not watch Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter on June 22nd!

This message brought to you by Alters United - where we know the difference between a Woodwose and a Vampire Hunter.

The War On People: Vehicular Manslaughter

Previously, I showed everyone that there are people out there who are willing to go to crazy extremes for the sake of killing people like you or me. The gun demonstrated in the last post was horrific, to say the least. But you can at least say that they're being honest about what they're doing. If someone were to show up on the scene carrying an assault rifle, you know to run. But something else has been on the rise: corporations have started to take notice of the anti-Alter sentiment and have begun to market towards this trend. With DIY kits and instructions downloaded online you have a possibility that the person in question may not use it, may not go to the effort. However, during the Super Bowl there was a shockingly racist ad that clearly stated that a corporation just did not care for the safety of Alter-kind.



This is simply sinister. Taking notice of the rising tensions and marketing towards that is underhanded and immoral. In what they've done here, Audi has declared that they do not care about Vampires. In fact, they've gone so far as to make a twitter hash-tag to gloat and give people a lace to laugh about the fate of the Vampires they've decided to mow down.

Yes, the ad is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, like many Superbowl Ads. Vampires do not turn to ash and embers at the mere touch of light like that. But the implication is still the same: this car was designed to murder Vampires. Audi, seeing the recent trends, has decided to arm the majority human population for the sake of soothing their fears and coming out ahead of what is, undoubtedly, a trend in marketing towards the anti-Alter racists in the world.

There must be a better way.

Not long ago, Ford heard of similar tensions and fears - the concept that there may be an attack by something such as a zombie horde. While we at the AUSG still believe that such things can be prevented, Ford's approach was at least more acceptable than Audi's. Rather than arming their vehicles with what are essentially LED death-rays or retrofitting them into something more suitable for Mad Max like so many DIY people would be prone to do - Ford planned for defensive rather than offensive driving.



Yes, there's still unacceptable racist undertones in their marketing. God knows how long that Zombie went without being fed to suddenly go chasing a group of fleeing humans like that. And I'm very concerned by the statement that he "rented" that Zombie, which leads to the disturbing concept that there may, in fact, be a Zombie Slave Trade (possibly Vermin Supreme supporters). However, the man survived his encounter, the Zombie went unharmed and Ford's product line shows a dedication to the preservation of life rather than mowing down people who could, like in Audi's ad, just be gathering for a harmless party.

I propose that Alters of all kinds, and those who show their support for our cause, boycott Audi for their clearly antagonistic design policies. Do not buy an Audi if you would like to see peace between our species. Do not rent or lease one of these death machines and do not show them your approval by joining their Twitter campaign against Vampire kind. No, go to Twitter and use the #SoLongVampires hash-tag to inform them that we will not approve such racist and hateful actions as designing a car with the intention of killing helpless civilians at their social gatherings.

And if you're not convinced, consider this: The legal driving age in the United States is 16. How many parties, like the one in that commercial, could your 16 year old go to? What if someone brought one of those cars to the party? If you're a UV sensitive Alter, like the Vampires depicted in that commercial, your children would be too. How would you feel if you got the call that they'd died horrible, agonizing death at the hands of a pair of head-lights?

Do not let this be your child

This should not be allowed to pass. join us in voicing your displeasure to Audi. Speak the truth on Twitter using #AltersUnited and #SoLongVampires. Do not go silently into the night!

This message brought to you by Alters United, showing support and concern for all Alters in these trying times.

The War On People: Insane Weapon

Dangerous thinking for dangerous times

In recent years, great strides have been achieved in getting acceptance for our kind among the "normal" population. People have willingly accepted us with open arms and made us part of their lives provided we meet the right requirements. The more attractive among us have become so popular that some people have even devoted entire movements, religions even, to their coming.

But one thing that can never be claimed, despite heroic attempts by a very select number of films, is that the community is accepting of Zombie-kind in the same way they are of fortunate others. Sure, they're popular figures in fiction, especially with the ratings boom for The Walking Dead, but their depiction has been anything but friendly. With the exception of perhaps Shaun of the Dead, all Zombie films end with one conclusion and one conclusion only.

And, sadly, these trends are being echoed in the real world as well. I recently brought light to the campaign of a Mr. Vermin Supreme and his position of anti-zombie policies being used to correct issues within the United States. This was not an isolated incident, with the creation of zombie strategies such as the one above, the building of zombie-proof houses and the growing trend of DIY "Zombie Proofing" for things such as your car. But now, it would seem, the cold war has gone hot.

This is the DoubleStar Zombie-X AK-47, a specially customized anti-zombie assault rifle with electric chainsaw attachment. Though it is currently a concept weapon, not yet produced for the public to purchase, a previous weapon has already been designed by the same company and released as the Zombie Slayer for $1,249.99. Their previous weapon was released so recently that the "introduction price" of $999.99 only expired as of January 31st, 2012 (yesterday). In other words, this isn't just an incidental name coined for the purposes of tongue-in-cheek marketing.

This is a product line - and we will be seeing more.

Though what they can possibly do after this is hard to tell. With the introduction of the Zombie-X they've upgraded the previous rifle's USMC Multi-purpose Bayonet with a fully functioning electric chainsaw attachment, a battery pack attached to the stock, a bio-hazard holographic sight and, according to the demonstration below, even a bottle opener for the post slaughter celebrations.



Be afraid, my friends, be very afraid.

Via Dvice

If you're concerned for the welfare of Zombie kind, please show your support to Alters United and their ongoing Feed Zeddy project, an alternative solution to the long feared Zombie Apocalypse.

The Secret Threat of the Primaries

Though they've been in the news for some time, we here at Alters United are appalled at the lack of good coverage for the current Presidential Primaries. Though they are on the air almost constantly with profiles of the individual candidates, not one of the mainstream media outlets has addressed the glaring Alter related issue that has appeared in recent times.

There have been great strides in politics in regards to the Alter-Human relationship. The recent tacit acceptance of the Leprechaun driven financial crash and subsequent push for gold and the understanding of Dick Cheney's Orc status making him inculpable for his various indiscretions are both strong evidence for this. And, of course, it is impossible to ignore the recent victory of a Polycephalic Ogre in South Carolina's Republican primary.

His second head is out of frame

But a quiet threat has been building in the primaries. For years a man has attempted to run for President with theories some would call insane, fringe politics. With wild-eyed honesty he speaks of policies so inconceivably unusual that no one has ever taken him seriously. But, with the growing discomfort for the current status quo and the dislike of business as usual, this candidate has been gaining momentum at a dangerous rate.

I'm, of course, speaking of Vermin Supreme.

This Massachusetts native is slowly becoming one of the greatest threats to Alter-Human relations since the witch trials made so famous by his state. His campaigns have been gaining momentum, even being allowed into the New Hampshire primary on the Democratic ticket this year, receiving 831 votes. This is a dramatic increase from his totals in the same state only 4 years ago when he received only 41 votes in the 2008 primary as a Republican. And, while these numbers may not seem like much (with Obama receiving over 48,959 votes as his opponent), the message is clear: People support Vermin's anti-Zombie policies.



This video, seen here from Mr. Supreme's 2008 run in New Hampshire, begins with the statement that this is just a "satirical" claim. But this acceptance of such "satire" as just a simple joke has dangerous consequences. Whether they believe he's being satirical or not, there are people voting for Mr. Supreme, accepting of his hate speech and approving of the statements he's made against Zombie-kind. And for those who would think that this anti-Zombie policy was, like many of Mitt Romney's stances, a passing acceptance of trends at the time, hear it from himself 4 years later when Vermin once again puts an anti-zombie, anti-Alter stance as one of the pivotal points of his campaign.



Of course we would all want a pony. Who doesn't? But not at the expense of Zombie-fueled slave labor that Mr. Supreme seems so keen on institutionalizing. For those who cannot stomach the man's antics and hate speech long enough to watch the entire video, Mr. Supreme's newest proposed policy is to use Zombies, the disadvantaged souls who cannot speak for themselves, to resolve the energy crisis by forcing them to walk treadmills while taunting them with the prospect of food. For anyone familiar with Zombie biology, this is far more than cruel, it is inhumane.

Yet this is claimed to be simply "satire". Because nothing says "satire" like the calm, clear discussion of slave labor with a straight face. Who doesn't smile at the concept of droves of zombies trapped in giant turbines, struggling to reach for brains on the ends of dangling strings constantly out of reach?

Well, I, for one, do not.

No, Vermin Supreme is a dangerous man with dangerous ideas, stripping those who are different from himself of their inalienable rights just because they may not have perfectly functioning faculties. And worst of all is that this is a clear case of a self-hating Alter. While there may be some question to the veracity of Cheney's Orcism or the debate about whether or not Glenn Beck is in fact a Leprechaun - there is little doubt that Vermin Supreme, self proclaimed Emperor of the New Millennium, is a Troll.

And that, my friends, is a truly sad state of affairs.

This message brought to you by Alters United, those who are actually interested in solving the zombie crisis in constructive ways.

Alters United: The Mission Statement

For centuries people like us have been marginalized, kept quiet or relegated to rumor and suspicion. We've been hiding who we are and accepting the warping and twisting of our image for the sake of staying safe and trying to avoid the hateful eye of those who would cause us harm. But today, we have an opportunity to do something more than that. Today, we have the opportunity to become united.

Today I take the first step in making the mission of Alters United known.

For too long have the Alters been ignored for the sake of making those who would consider themselves the "normal" people feel comfortable. We exist and we have something to say. We come from all walks of life and we come in many breeds. Within the ranks of the AUSG we have an elf, a succubus, a zombie, even a human and myself - the golem.

We all come from different backgrounds and have different conditions. We all have different lifestyles, diets and choices. But what we share is a common background of being something other than "normal" in the eyes of the community. And because of this, we stand here united for one purpose: to get the word out.

We are not monsters, we are not inhuman and we are not to be ignored. We have the responsibility to spread the word for ourselves and others who aren't considered "normal". We have the responsibility to share our opinions, guide others through their new lives and provide insights that only people like us can share. We are going to show people that we are no more or less dangerous than any other human being on this planet. And, like many movements of our kind, the decision of how dangerous we will be is entirely dependent on you, the majority.

One out of four people on this planet is like us, though not all of them are active. Your friend that sunburns easily could be a vampire that has not gone active. The fellow with the body hair and odor problem could be a werewolf that hasn't started to howl at the moon. Do you have a problem with dry, scaly or rough skin? You could be a golem too. You may not have gone active or even be aware that it's in you to do so. But ask yourself this: What if you are an Alter? What could you become in the right situation?

Throughout the centuries we've been unaware of our own natures, our own existence. When we do happen to "awaken" our hidden natures, what used to be a rare event, we're treated as monsters by those around us. But we're not monsters, you're not a monster and we're going to make it obvious to everyone.

Here in the AUSG we will bring attention to the lives of our Alter brothers and sisters. We will post reviews and analysis of media: books, television, film and music. These analyses will cover just how our people are represented and whether or not the modern media presents an acceptable image of ourselves. We will also cover news stories regarding our people or things that could impact us.

In the end, we at Alters United will open the eyes of the people around us. Because, when those eyes are wide open, one of us may be looking right back at you.